The Tweet-Hole » The Mark of the Douche

Keep the WAVE going!

The Tweet Makers — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 23:46:23 +0000

I have to admit: in a matter of moments, these people sucked all the fun out of Twitter for me. And I reckon someday we’ll look back and remember how fun it was when everything was new, but as for me, right now I’m going to read a book.

It’s so easy to get hooked on BillyBob controversy crack

The Tweet Makers — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 01:38:49 +0000

Without it, you start to manufacture dissent.

Amazing that this little rope can support both me and my massive, clanging balls

The Tweet Makers — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 00:58:50 +0000

Oh, and did I mention I was rich?

It’s hard out here for a (possibly gay?) UX designer

The Tweet Makers — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 18:26:21 +0000

The Mark of the Introspective, Bemused Douche

The Tweet Makers — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 23:16:56 +0000

Jon Lax wants you to know that he’s not like all the other people on Twitter. And if you have a big monitor, you can see him all the way down there in the corner, chuckling to himself over how clever he is.

Shall I tweet about my manly globe-trotting adventures, or pimp my Edelman PR pals?

The Tweet Makers — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 21:55:12 +0000

Perhaps a bit of both.

“… by his Twitter background ye shall know him – the Mark of the Douche”

The Tweet Makers — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 16:59:42 +0000

Spend enough time on Twitter and you come to learn a lot about people from the backgrounds of their Twitter profiles.

Luckily, the easiest to spot is the douche.
A brief field guide (see plate I : Un-Marketing):

The unclickable website or email address:
Un-Marketing is an exemplary specimen with 2 unclickable web addresses.
The preposterous, vaguely rebellious-sounding company name:
This says Hey I’m not trying to sell you anything! but not really.
The processed profile photo:
Un-Marketing gives us a rare look at how this is done, with the larger, Photoshopped image on the background, and the smaller, unprocessed image in the profile. He has made himself to resemble a Gladiator-era Russell Crowe in a dramatic Proof of Life setting. Impressive.
Vague Bio with job positions not of this earth:
This is where you should mention Star Wars.
Condescending advice on how to use Twitter itself:
“If you use Twitter as a glorified RSS feed for your blog, you’re doing it wrong!”
Totally ignoring the fact that this is how millions of people do in fact read it. But they’re wrong! Un-Marketing has a seminar on the topic.
The spit-out-your-coffee-stupid number of followers:
WTF is that for real?